Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
