um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
