I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
