Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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