yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
