He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
