Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
