you would pick up someone in the library
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
