I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
