Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
