Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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