Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
