This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
