Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
