Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
