We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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