I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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