i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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