I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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