How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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