called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
