you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
