Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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