i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
