thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
