it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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