But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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