What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
