well you can't waste a boner
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
