THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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