I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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