Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no, he came in my armpit
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
