Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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