Where is the hickey?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
