I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
