The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
