My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
