You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
