we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
