a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
