i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
