She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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