Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
