he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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