Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
