Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
