Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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