Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
