shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's get the cat blown out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
