I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
