It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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