i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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