Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
