Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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