so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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