i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
